girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
