i would punch a child for taco bell
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
