He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize