I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Im part way to drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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