i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
In America we eat man semen.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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