East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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