I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
