plz talk dirty to me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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