Even water is tasting like jack daniels
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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