we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is classic penis vs brain.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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