Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You took a bar mat shot.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
