I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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