Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
