I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
