areolas are like halos for boobs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
