she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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