no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He better not be in your backpack
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I AM VODKA MAN
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
