clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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