No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
