Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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