There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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