Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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