I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just found puke in my bra..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The adults are the big ones right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
