we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
