Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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