someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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