He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
