we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
