i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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