I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
