i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
