i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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