how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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