Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
