she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
