You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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