Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
