I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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