And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
