In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
