capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
