You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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