Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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