Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
