The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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