Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
