he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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