Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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