Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
