Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I looked at my own cervix.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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