turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
