I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I forget how to act sober
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
