got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
