I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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