I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize