Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize