I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
