My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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