If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
