what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize