One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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