Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
