the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
