Three words: puerto rican gang bang
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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