how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
