I heard we made out
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
