made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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