He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
